What a whirlwind these past few months have been. To be completely honest, which I tend to do here, I recently went through a pretty rough patch with my anxiety. When visiting my in-laws in Florida back in April, my little one had a medical issue that required an ER visit. The staff made a simple but crucial mistake in dramatically misrecording her weight, resulting in her getting the wrong dose of a medication, prolonging her illness and our time away from home. Basically, it was horribly stressful and left my nervous system pretty tattered. My anxiety was already starting to creep into hyperdrive before this incident, and this pushed me over the edge. Processing the whole experience made it clear to me that I needed to go back on my anti-anxiety medication. With the guidance of my mental health care providers, I restarted medication that I had taken in my early postpartum days, and started feeling more in control of my anxiety and mood almost immediately.
This is not an easy thing to write about as a chiropractor. There are many in my profession that are philosophically against these types of pharmaceuticals, and believe that lifestyle choices such as diet, exercise, sleep hygiene, meditation, and yes, getting adjusted regularly are enough to regulate one's physical and emotional health. And truthfully, before becoming a parent, these measures were enough to regulate my anxiety. But in this chapter of my life, they are not enough, and I've learned that for me, adding this particular medication is incredibly helpful.
Not only has this change given me more patience and calm in my parenting and relationships, but it also allowed me to take control of neglected work. I had fallen behind on the back end administrative work that makes my practice function (including missing this monthly newsletter for the first time in over a year) and was so overwhelmed that I just kept procrastinating all these important tasks. It wasn't until I was back on my medication that I could take stock of the situation, make a plan, and then actually do the work. I hadn't even realized this procrastination was a symptom of my anxiety until the treatment resolved the issue.
Things are feeling much better in the past few weeks. Not just in my work life, but I've been able to take back some joy and peace in my personal life as well. It's been easier to return phone calls and emails. I've found myself saying 'yes' to experiences that even just a few months ago would have totally stressed me out: like going to a Dead and Company show at Fenway with my husband this past weekend when a friend of his couldn't use his tickets on short notice. This past week, we also were lucky enough to have a few kid-free days when my kiddos stayed with their grandparents, great aunt, and cousins (Thank you! :). Having a break from the constant and incredibly demanding work of parenting young children was a delightful and much needed respite for my husband and I. We relished in the space and calm.
I share all this to encourage you to be gentle and kind with yourself. To invite you to accept all the support and help you need and can get, even if you were once or still are being told a story that says you "shouldn't" need the help or that you "shouldn't" need a rest.
Life is hard enough as it is, we don't need to make it any harder for ourselves.
Take the space and calm when you can. Relish in it.